It's been exactly 1 year since my last dA journal update. Truth is, I just can't really find things to type about in the journal, over even when I do - I just can't do it. But, I wanna give dA another chance because i have this premium membership and all, and Its' supposedly the best platform for artists and stuff.

It's just, dA is kinda....hella buggy, behind the times in aesthetics, and archaic to use; compared to the emergent platforms. But dA is where I grew up needless to say. (Although it's not really reflected through my nonexistent followers. So im going to try with it some more.

Just because I don't post here much doesn't mean I haven't been drawing. Hell no. I been drawing and improving alot imo. I've improved so much that I have reached my biggest and most difficult hurdle yet, which I think is a huge hurdle for alot of artists. My Identity. What exactly is my identity as an artist online? Don't get me wrong, I know what I like to draw, I have OCs, Fanships from plethora's of fandoms, and a preferred style of art. The problem is, I can't seem to stuck to any one particular category for too long. It's driving my CRAZY. I wouldn't call my self an anime artist. I love drawing anime at times (like now), but if i was given a pencil, and a paper in a random situation and told to draw a person. I what I would draw, wouldn't end up being anime. (not only because I know anime doesn't fly well with the academic authorities in the art industry.)

So im struggling to find balance in what I want to do, as my main focus and coming into my own. There are a ton of amaziiiiiing artist that I just admire all the way to my bone marrow and I will feature somewhere. But more, its my style that im trying to hone, and me bouncing back and forth isn't helping me at all. However, for now, I'm thinking of trying my hand at a gender bender series, and drawing King's Raid fan-art. (Because I love that game too much and that's what my heart yearns to drawn when im busy working.)

AS for me personally? hmmm - well I do hate to talk about myself, so I'll just make it short. I renamed my name to SoleWorker (and i don't like it) because I was trying to reflect my current social feeling. I never felt more disconnected from humanity and I will continue to feel so. I have a few "online" friends, but they have their lives, and I don't burden them with mine. My self esteem is so low that I cringe to talk about it, its part of why I'm having problems becoming the artist I want to be. I've been told i'm depressed (kinda obv), but to be honest, I don't really like to call it depression anymore. The word has be so violently overused in this day and age; people do not truly appreciate the real meaning of depressed, and many do not put up with a TRUE depressed person and out of respect for those people I feel like its a disservice to over use that word. So yeah, maybe I will talk about it more in the future (cuz this rabbit hole goes pretty fckin deep), but for now - im done

A few of my pedestal artist that inspire me so much to continue even when I feel like I need to just quit.

Luckily dA let me update my journal. Since it's so dAmn buggy, I wanted to make it short. So there you have it - chapters 4 and 5 have been released and a sneak peak for chapter 6 on my website ^^

Get it here
thecrossfade.weebly.com/downlo…